Mind your own business, please? 

I don’t understand why people keeps on getting on your business. Why can’t they just have to mind their own business. Those people who keeps on talking as if they know what’s going on and happening. It’s just so annoying. It feels like you want to give them @#$%^&*! Grrr.

That’s why, sometimes I feel like I don’t have the right to do this, that thing because people keep on letting me feel as if I don’t deserve this and that. Also, words like those keeps my bones unhealthy. Maybe my weakness are the people around me. Maybe I still have to be strong enough to conquer these things. 

Sometimes, or more like oftentimes, I just wished that none of these just happened. I really wished these things never meant to happen. How I do and superb wish to go back from those times and arrange things the way they shouldn’t be in this way. I admit, I miss those days where I don’t mind over things. If I fall in love it’s just my soul who knew about it and even though I fall in love, it doesn’t make any thing complicated unlike now, that everything seems so superb complicated. I couldn’t say I’m inlove but it’s just that I missed the person he was before. I never thought everything will turn out this way.

Why does life be so complicated? Well, I guess here’s the answer. NOTHING IS MADE PERMANENTLY. 

Right now, my feeling is currently superb unpredictable. I don’t know but I do keep din mind : “LILIPAS IN ITO”

Those complicated words we always say can sometimes become our enemy. Because of saying things and words to people, you can feel them the love and sometimes you can hurt them by just doing nothing but because of the words, it’s like you’re stabbing them deeply. 

That’s why, right now I’m starting to feel as if I’m really kind with words, but I know even though how sincere you were when you once told them, everything will still fade away and it will all be just worthless. 

Even people nowadays are becoming complicated. They are so good in words but when it comes to doing it, it seems like it was all just a part time scripted output you were dubbing. It’s such a crazy thing. Isn’t it?

Often, I am seen as a happy girl. The one who laughs and smile often like I’m having no problem of anything. Everybody thinks I don’t care about anything at all but as you will look closer and deeper to me, you’ll see how torn my soul is. How damage my heart is. The countless scars I have. I do cry as much as I laugh. Sometimes, I tell myself, what if there will be this time where I’ll put my emotions and feelings straight to everybody? Would they care? Would they understand me? Or either way, just ignore and back stab me? That’s why, I tried to keep in mind that I shouldn’t feel any loneliness and I should be strong in anything. Just keep a smile and everything will fade away. Because, actually, I’m really not the type of person who feels lonely and sad and problematic and emotional physically. As I’ve known myself, I’m a happy girl and just trying to smile for the world. So right now, I better keep it or forever I’ll regret it.

I’ll admit, I’m always insecure. I tried to not be but as time goes on, I still kept on finding myself back in the situation. I’ve been looking out to people I wanted to be. I know with this, I’m already hurting myself more than I could ever feel inside. 

I’m insecure to people who is prettier than me, cuter than me, skinnier than me, smarter than me, talented than me. But I was never been insecure to people who are more perfect than me. I know with these all, I’ve been such an ugly person already. And I know I shouldn’t be insecure at all because I know there’s something more about me that I know someday I’ll be proud of and it’s still hidden through me that I still need to look up to. 

I always feel worthless. I feel like I don’t deserve anything. Because no matter how I tried so hard, I just couldn’t succeed. And with that, time and time, I almost could feel that I don’t deserve anything at all and nothing’s good meant for me. I know I’ve been neglecting and ignoring things. Seldom, I used to ignore things I shouldn’t be ignoring. There are also times I took everything for granted. I don’t really believe in karma but I just keep my head from the famous saying, “What goes around comes back …” quotation. 

Right now, I almost could also feel the sweat. I just lose a breathe and carry on with it. I’m already very tired of doing too much things. I know, sometimes, we should act silly in order for us to really feel what life is all about in a good way. But I’m too tired already. I know it’s been my daily status, “TIRED OF THINGS” I don’t know but often I feel tired about myself.

In comes to love life, I feel like I don’t really deserve anything and anyone. I know it sounds like, I am not in a relationship right now, but I am. It’s just that, I think I’m not the right girl for him and for anybody else. I want to say these things to him but I guess that will just ruin everything and I’ll create another dramatic issue with him. I don’t know but I don’t feel anything anymore. I missed him but I guess that’s just it. I don’t know what happened to us and for the past few days. It’s like yesterday we were fine and happy and today it’s just like a snappy quick as if we don’t know anything anymore. I don’t really want to interrupt with this kind of situation and feeling. But I’ll admit it right now, I feel like we’re just too different. I don’t adapt well with his surroundings. I don’t know how to adapt with it. I kept on trying but it’s just always an epic fail. Well, as always, I’m such a failure. I just really hope it’s going to okaaay.

In comes to my well-being, I feel like I don’t deserve to be here and anywhere. It’s like I’m in a crowded room, but still I can feel so alone. I’ve been trying myself to look for ways to do things like dancing, I tried it but I failed as always. I tried to sing and sing but I guess I won’t be heard anymore. I tried to do things I wanted to do, but there’s always that someone who’s gonna let you realize that they’re good enough than you are. It feels like I’m just a nothing but a stone trying to fit in with couples of rocks. 

It’s always been my problem to set my expectation too high and in the end, I always ended up with a teardrops in my eyes. It’s hard being such a pathetic person expecting something that won’t really meant to happen.

In my case, I hate it when I always tell myself “From this moment on, I’ll stop expecting things” but in any minute from that time, I always see myself ending in the same situation again. That’s what I hate about myself too. I daydream too much and with that, I get myself expecting onto things too hard and too much. I know I’ve been such a melodramatic person, and I know I had to stop myself from being like that before it’s too late but right now, I feel like it’s already too late for me to notice things like this. That’s why I’m starting to learn and stop expecting anything from anyone anymore.